Sunday, August 18, 2013

- Bobby's -

Shocker of the century: I'm 20-something years old and have lived in this area for all 20-something years and tonight is my first time at Bobby's! 

...I know, how ridiculous.

I was still stuffed from dinner so needed help finishing my MINI-concrete. Don't judge.  Two spoons, one cup: a beloved benefit of marriage! ;) 

nom nom nom 


Conclusion: we'll def be returning super stat. Love love love. 


- Hey, baby... -

The many faces of a post-Saturday night husband...
Either age + alcohol doesn't treat him so nicely anymore or maybe Croatians just don't have da good Guinness genes?  

...So here's to hoping the future nuggets are blessed with my Irishness. ;)

...If they are ever ever allowed to drink age 21+ beverages, which they obviously will not be allowed to. Ever ever. 


Saturday, August 17, 2013

- Trivia Night: NURSE-Rated"

I saw this online and totally had to re-post. So hilarious. But absolutely true. And the perfect background story to introduce this hideous post. So read:

********************
My Life with a Nurse: A Man's Perspective

Ah, such mysterious, wondrous creatures are nurses. What treasures lurk beneath those crisp, white uniforms... What young man doesn't have fantasies of discovering those secrets for himself?

SCREEEEEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Reality check!

I've been married to a nurse for more than a quarter of a century, and let me tell you, nurses are not what you expect (and I don't even care what you expect, because you are wrong)!

Let's begin by tearing down some of the more famous assumptions about nurses right off the top:

The Nurse as Sex Kitten:

Any man who lived through the early seventies or eighties has made it a point to rent such famous videos as "Night Duty Nurses" or "Student Nurses" or "Night Duty Student Nurses" or any one of several dozen nurse-centric skin flicks that will immediately make you believe that all nurses have heaving bosoms, just millimeters away from popping out of skin tight white uniforms. You will also believe that nurses always wear white garters, fishnet hose, and stilettos. This, of course, is a handy dress code because movie nurses spend *a lot* of time hopping in and out of patient's beds.

The reality is that most nurses wear scrubs - shapeless, draping hunks of cotton that could cause you to breeze past Pamela Anderson without a second look. Shoes are white and chunky with blobs of things on them better left unexplored. Socks replace white hose and garters, and when is the last time anyone saw a nursing cap? Graduation, perhaps?

The Nurse as an Angel:


If you want to hear the latest gross jokes, just find a nurse. Some uninformed males seem to think of nurses as angelic creatures: demure and loving, a cross between a nun and their mom. Well, hate to bust your bubble, guy, but as a group, nurses are some of the rawest folks you'll ever run into. I don't care how sweet and demure they may look on the outside; inside is someone who has seen things that would gag a maggot, break your heart, or drive a normal person nuts. So most nurses develop a very wicked sense of humor squarely lodged in the black-to-sick side of the scale.

Also, in case you are looking for angelic sympathy for the little boo-boo you had in the shop, forget it! Let's say as a typical male klutz, you manage to saw your finger off. You go running to your nurse wife who is on the phone with a nurse friend of hers. As she continues to talk to her friend, she gives the stub a good eyeballing, slaps a towel on it, takes out a baggy to put the severed digit in, and tells you to get some ice while she is explaining to her friend that her dummy husband just sawed his finger off. As you stand there bleeding profusely for 15 minutes she calmly finishes her conversation as though nothing is going on until finally she says, "Well I guess I better get him to the hospital." She hangs up the phone, looks at you, sighs and calmly says, "Let's go."

You have just learned an important lesson. On the nurse scale of emergencies, yours is about a minus 9! As my wife has told me, "when you are on a ventilator, with six drips running, your head down and your feet up, then you're sick. Anything less than that isn't worth getting excited over!"

The Nurses Mutual Benefit Network:

As a male either dating or married to a nurse, you should realize one important thing. There are nurses everywhere. That, in itself, is no big deal. The fact is, every nurse knows other nurses who know more nurses, so that by the time you are finished, a nurse on the Island Nation of Chuuk who observes you doing something you shouldn't has the immediate capability of getting word to your wife. This system is way more reliable and efficient than the Internet and has existed for a much longer time. Take it for granted that your nurse wife will know about anything you have done, good or bad, before you get home!

Your Social Life with Nurses:

Nurses hang out with other nurses and soon you may find that all your friends are married to nurses. The reason this happens is because in situations where nurses mingle with nonmedical folks things can get ugly. For example, you are out to dinner with your nurse wife, another nurse couple, and two civilian couples. The nurses sit and chat, discussing fun things like bleeding bowels, open sores, how much fat was sucked out of some patient, projectile vomiting, traumatic amputations, etc., all over a nice pasta dinner. The nurses carry on talking as the civilian couples turn funny colors, make faces and suppress their gag reflexes (and this is if the nurses don't have any really gross things to share like the homeless guy with maggots in his bleeding sores)!

After several dinners and gatherings like this, you will soon find your circle of friends has shrunk significantly. The key to avoiding this is to do the following: Never go out in mixed groups with more than one nurse. A lone nurse is OK. The trouble starts when you have more than one, and when that happens, keep the regular folks away. Also get used to the idea that some friends and neighbors will take advantage of the fact that your wife is a nurse by calling at all hours of the day and night for advice. This may include male friends "dropping by" to show your sweetie his rash. The best advice I can give is to just deal with it and hope it isn't contagious.

Nurse: The Health Ramifications

Most nurses have been described as having the constitution of horses, which isn't true because I've been around horses and they get sick more often. The reason for this is pretty simple. After about 3-5 years on the job, nurses have been exposed to so many bugs that they either end up dead or full of every antibody known to mankind. (If you want the ultimate booster shot, just get a blood transfusion from a nurse who's worked in a hospital for 20 years!) You don't have all these antibodies, though, so when she does come home with mild sniffles, a week later you're flat on your back with the worse case of the flu of your life!! Oh, and if you are the least bit squeamish, don't even think about the bugs she brings home on her clothes. It will mess with your mind as she talks about her Resistant TB patient, the patient full of body lice, or the one with poison ivy in his mouth! So don't ask.

Conclusion:

Ah, such mysterious, wondrous creatures are nurses.

You know, they really are and I thank God every day for my nurse!

********************

Badda bing, badda boom. 

Touche! 

Keep in mind from above:  "...Nurses hang out with other nurses...and as a group, nurses are some of the rawest folks you'll ever run into.  I don't care how sweet and demure they may look on the outside; inside is someone who has seen things that would gag a maggot, break your heart, or drive a normal person nuts. So most nurses develop a very wicked sense of humor..." 

^^ That being said, you sweet readers now have a tad bit of background info to digest the post that is about to occur.

So let's get to the brunt of it:

TRIVIA NIGHT! 

One of our Mercy co-workers organized this trivia night to benefit her daughter, so of course a large group of us quickly signed up to attend.  We put our RN critical thinking skills to the test [at 3am, most importantly] to come up with our trivia table theme of dressing up as cervices [<---yes, that is the official formal plural of "cervix"]. Cervical Dilation Domination? Perfect. We got straight to work at work making iron-ons for T-shirts and party hats and table decorations [and yes, there was a bit of a 4am lull on this particular night; so no, we were not neglecting patient care]. 
^^The shirts totally failed. We have no idea what happened?!...other than the T-shirt crayons are P.O.S.  The directions said to iron on for 2-3 minutes. But nothing transferred. I decided to throw the towel in after I was ironing and ironing and ironing some more for at least 5+ minutes and the paper started smoking. No T-shirts but no house fire either. Whatever. Over it.

So finally, the night of trivia arrived. And we attended. ...With five labor and delivery nurses + our five boyfriends/husbands/fiances/significant others/one-night stands. 

Let me assure you, the five of us females are self-explanatory; just a group of raw folks/nurses who like to get together and have a good time. ;) 

And for an analysis of the male members? See below:

Chris was awed by the dilation charts and party hats and had a perfect 5cm examination down by the end of the night.

Brian had an aversion to wearing his cervix party hat but kept a good hand on his rum and coke. Sorta lamesies.

Matt was focused on the trivia and intense on getting the answers right. But nonetheless, we still sucked. We never got the black "loser balloon" on our table, but I'm still pretty sure we were second to last place or something.

Jake was obsessed with tearing holes in the tablecloth and using his new cervix-checking skills to determine the actual size of the hole. #winnerwinnerchickendinner  

And Drew, 20 minutes into hanging out with all of us for the first time, was silently just like, "WTF get me away from these crazies!"

Some photos to demonstrate the night's happenings:
Above:  Only one iron-on shirt worked out. It's a long story. And a bad one. Whatevs. The positive of this collage? Gummy bear shots!

Below:  Table centerpiece! Beautiful.

Chris was a very proud and eager cervix-checking learner...

Is this your 1??! :)

What is gynophobia??? ...NOT the answer we put on our sheet, apparently.

We might've been the wildest [and possibly the most inappropriate] bunch there, but we sure had a good time! Thanks for inviting us, Jamie!!!

Soooo...when is the next raunchy ridiculously rowdy nurse date?! I'm kinda sorta maybe totally definitely ready! :)



- L&D Night at Busch -

Put-cho rally caps on, it's Mercy Labor and Delivery night at Busch Stadium!!! 

A couple stats: 
  • 85 of we baby catchers banded together to totes own the Coca-Cola Patio.
  • Tix were all-inclusive [AKA - free food and beer all night long. AKA - you get the hint.]

^ That be it. Perfect weather, perfect friends, and I'll let the pictures perfectly explain the rest! ;) 
 

Cards lost, but we didn't mind! ;) Rumor has it we were on the jumbo-tron multiple times but no one noticed. Oopsie? 


Sunday, August 11, 2013

- Cami's Birthday -

Sum-It-Up Sunday

August rolled around, and our girl Cami turned another year older!  A pool party at her house was the perfect way to celebrate a hot summer birthday. 

[Yes - I got in the pool but was too scared to take a selfie in the water for many reasons... Couldn't risk hurting the iPhone and also couldn't risk posting a selfie in a swimsuit........ Point made.]

We went to Mass with the fam after the party and out to dinner at Dewey's! Successful Saturday! :)


Other week highlights: 

-- More house work! Pics to come...



Saturday, August 10, 2013

- Chevron Canvases -

I dearly miss little Brian when he travels for work [literally for real, he was gone 75% of July], but also enjoy giving the guest bedroom a guest! 

...Who am I kidding, the guest bedroom remains untouched because my mom still sleeps in my bed.

I'm 20-something years old and God knows that's still not old enough to sleep alone. 

Anyway...

We did WORK on the house this week! 

We made progress in basically every room, but especially focused in on spare bedroom #2.  I've had this big glorious 3-chevron-canvas vision for a long time, and finally we made these visions a reality. Woot. Love.

[I put a mini-preview of this room on Facebook, and tons and tons and tons of people PM'ed asking how to make the canvases. Flattered! Sort of. I'm the worst teacher there ever ever was, but here is a half-@$$ attempt at showing you how we made them...]

Initial supplies needed:
  • 3 canvases from Hobby Lobby. [They never go on sale apparently and we are total sale shoppers, but we each used a 40% off coupon so whatevs.]
  • Gray and yellow chevron material from Jackman's Fabrics. [This is our favorite material store in the area! A huge semi-annual sale was going on when we bought the material which was totally a freak accident but an appreciated and celebrated event nonetheless.]
  • Matching gray and yellow decor with some of my favorite lyrics from Kohl's. ...Added into the below picture for matchy cuteness, but no we did not hand make this! [Kohl's. Do not even get me going or I will never shut up. This wall art was 50% off already, but actually 80% off + $10 more off when I added in my savings from Kohl's charge cards and Kohl's Rewards. Not complaining. I like buying $50 things for $5.]
  • Wine from Schnucks. [We prefer white zin or moscato! Or whatever is on sale!]
  • Scissors from IKEA. [Yes, you have to buy them from IKEA.] 

Cut fabric to canvas size + a little [or a lot] extra to leave room for mistakeys. We make lots of mistakeys.

Iron, iron, and iron some more. Nobody wants to see a big wrinkle in the middle of the finished product! 

*pause in project*

We were disappointed to discover my mini-stapler from college wouldn't suffice. WHAT! Emergency trip across the street to Lowe's. "Do you have staple guns?" "Yes, yes we do, aisle 4!" K thanks. Two glasses of wine deep and not emburruseddd.

Extra [mid-project] supplies needed:
  • Heavy duty staple gun from Lowe's. [$9 and some change. I can deal.]

So staple gun in hand, fold the material over the back of the canvas EVENLY and staple away.

Staple staple staple, cut cut cut. The back of the canvases look rough, buuuut who cares.

Finished before we knew it! 

Not so sure that several [an unknown uncounted number, to be exact] empty wine glasses signifies the perfect time to begin hanging the canvases, so we opted for a movie and beddy bed. Canvas hanging and room decorating commenced the next morning. :)

[No, those legs are no miscolored optical illusion...still recovering from 4th degree San Diego sunburn! Owie!!]

...And the infamous Facebook "sneak peek"... More pics and posts to come when the room has its finishing touches! :) 

How was that for a tutorial? 

I know, not so great.

I am the world's worst teacher.

But I am damn good at decorating! 

And maybe Brian will stop touring the country on business trips after he reviews the July's credit card bill... Just maybe.  

Until then: While the cat's away, the mouse will play!!!


- Landscaping...sort of... [Part II] -

[The ever-exciting Part I here!]

I am semi-sad to announce that a big huge dirty trench project has commenced, so our yard will be a big huge dirty [grass-less and shrub-less] mess for a long long long time. 

Damn those big huge dirty projects. 

After our basement flooded in June, Brian decided we needed a little de-flooding drain system installed in the yard. 

...And he's doing it himself.

Which is awesome.

But I do get a little exhausted just watching him work.

Sunday Funday, anyone? 

Yikessss.

After a while of being inside slugging away with dishes and laundry and miscellaneous cleaning [and also being inside with couch, TV, and internet], I decided to go out and accompany the project with my computer and a cotton-pickin' Pandora station.  I joined my loving husband intending mostly to give moral support but somehow got coerced into donating some physical support as well.

 Roped into raking [yet not without pausing for photo-ops] = just another day in the life...

Pipes installed and covered.  

Yard still grass-less. [Can't win 'em all.]

Husband is begging for a back rub x5, but we are ready for Glen Carbon's next hurricane!!!



- Vanity Mirrors -

Vanity mirrors/medicine cabinet thingys are in! [Actually, they were in mid-June, but I again am failing as a blogger.] 

*sigh sigh sigh of relief*

Definitely totally completely OVERRRR putting my make-up on blindly [or with a little handheld mirror when in severe desperation]...

Yay yay yay yay yayyyy.

Hello home! :) 


- Collage Obsession -

I'm obsessed with collages.

Maybe possibly totally definitely obsessed. I LOVE THEM.

At our wedding reception, I had this beautiful gorgeous wonderful mantle complete with our parents' and grandparents' professional wedding portraits. And when I was buying frames and collecting these portraits for the reception mantle, I was always secretly planning for a future collage [for our "future house," of course...].  

And now I have the "future house." 

So obvi, I had to bust out the future collage. 

I dug up the box that was nicely packed away, dusted off the frames, and put Brian to work. 

I am loving the way this looks! Still more work to do though, so more pics to come when the whole guest bedroom is decorated... [I promise.]

CLICK HERE to see our P's and G's wedding portraits more closely...

...and CLICK HERE to see the gist of the wedding mantle! 


- The Decorating Continues -

Master bathroom is gettin' a sprucin' up!

...Also, again, pics from May...

[Sorry, still not sorry.]



And master bedroom is in progress! [But all we really need is a bed, right? After all, we ARE still newlyweds... ;) Don't read, Mom!!]

Curtains and mirrors and all kinds of wall and table garnishings being added in...
There was so much house beautifying going on that my hair was starting to feel left out... Mom threw some chunky chunks of blonde in it tonight! 'Tis how we roll up in this joint. Booyah.

Hello home! :) 


- Faucets [Installed] -

These pics are really old.  But today, I re-discovered them.  So I'm just now posting.  Oopsie.

Cue bad blogger/housewife comments now.

[Sorry I'm not sorry.]

Our countertops were installed towards the end of May.  Then once we had a functioning kitchen, we re-unwrapped all our wedding gifts and washed all the dishes and stocked the cabinets! Best.day.ever. Exciting times! 

While I handled that excitement, Brian worked tirelessly to install our kitchen faucet and bathroom faucets! 

So as of May 29 [again, sorry I'm not sorry about the 2.5 month lateness], we officially have countertops. And dishes. And faucets. And my husband is the bomb for being uber handy! 

Oh, hello home. :)


Sunday, August 4, 2013

- Antepartum Ann -

Sum-It-Up Sunday

Ann's going to antepartum!!! 

No.

Nooo.

NOOOOO.

Yes. :(

It's an end of an era, and it's so hard to say goodbye to probs the greatest woman and mentor and nurse ever. I'm so lucky to call you my friend! I've only been in L&D for 2 years which isn't a drop in the hat compared to Ann's 30+, but in those meager years she has taught me so much about nursing and friendship and LIFE. 

What a saint of a woman.

Love you, Ann! I know you aren't going far, but you will still be missed! Our L&D family is already mourning the loss!


Other week highlights: 

-- Brian's in Pennsylvania this week! [<--- I put an exclamation point out of habit but am in fact not excitedly exclaiming anything. I've been missin' my hubby during July... Too much business traveling!!! Come home, baby!]


Thursday, August 1, 2013

- San Diego -

A little work...

...and then a lot of pleasure! 

Brian had a work conference "work conference" in San Diego Monday-Thursday. [And I'm talking like TOUGH work.] When his working days of blood, sweat, and tears finished up, I hopped a plane to Cali and we had a little post-conference mini-vaca of our own. 

So fun!

Can I move to Cali and live there forever? 

The first two days were overcast and a little too chilly for the beach, so we hoofed ourselves around the city and did some exploring.  We toured the U.S.S. Midway and stopped by the Kissing Statue. [Note blue shirt Asian dude looking up sailor's wife's skirt for photo op. ...You're cool.]

We spent Friday night at the Strip Club grilling our own food! [...Like New York strips, not naked women. ...Yet observe naked women paintings in background all over the restaurant. Gross.]
A fun day on Mission Beach! Still too cold for our bones to be in bikinis, but we had fun walking the shore line, watching a beach volleyball tournament, and touching our toes in the sand.  We had lunch at the Wave House next to this enormously ginormous man-made wave that amateur surfers were attempting to conquer. #bustin@$$allday #freeentertainment 

Our hotel was in the heart of the historic Gaslamp Quarter. We were immersed in some of the city's buzzing night life with shops and restaurants and bars [and we especially loved viewing a 5-cop, 5 cop car, 1 cop motorcycle, 1 ambulance, and 1 fire truck assisted arrest right before our eyes. City thug life much?].
My very favorite day was our last day: warm and sunny and PERFECT for the beach! [At least I thought it was perfect pre-4th degree sunburn...] We hopped a cab across the bridge to Coronado Beach and had the best.day.ever. Did I mention I want to move to Cali???
 
And a ferry boat ride back home! What an awesome view of the skyline...

Hasta luego, San Diego! We will miss you dearly. Until next time...