- If you're happy and you know it... -

...clap your hands!  *CLAP! CLAP!*

*clap clap clappppp clap CLAP!*

*clap!*

There aren't enough circle claps and standing ovations in the world to express how elated I am with the way God has guided my steps and unfolded this last bit of my life so fruitfully right in front of my very eyes.  What in the frick am I trying to say?  Ummm........SO MANY things.  I'm a hot mess on the highway to hell 99.9% of the time, but every once in a while I mellow out ...and step back ...and reflect and pray and bare my heart on 'da blog ...because, well, today I'm honestly just amazed at the way I strut basically blindly through life yet He continually and perfectly opens one door and closes another to keep me on the straight path. So!  Switching gears [sort of]: this post comes triggered and fired by a growing number of people who have approached/are still approaching me with questions of genuine interest about our infertility and how our sweet Scarlett came about... :)  Y'all know by now that I'm a completely open book; plus, I love my/our story and truly believe that sharing it could help others struggling with similar issues...so! Hereeeee goes the last not-so-bitty-bit of my life story re: "When Bridget's aimless steps stmble into God's perfect plan!" Buckle up for the ride, 'cause this go' be a long one!!!

Reeewind. 

Hello, 2010.  I was a junior at SLU plugging away at a minor in theological studies, and that semester I was enrolled in Fr. Meconi's theology class called "Augustine and the Restless Heart."  Throughout the semester, Fr. M kept gently guiding me to develop an interest in natural family planning [NFP] by casually introducing me to this pro-life professor one day and telling me about that NFP-only OB resident the next week ...then encouraging me to get into the education side of NFP after I graduated because I could have a profound impact on couples as a young, Catholic nurse, etc. etc. etc..... I was a practicing Catholic but thought all of this NFP excitement was kind of silly, although I eventually ended up writing my end-of-the-semester paper [can't even remember the academic name for those papers now; too far removed from college hah] on human sexuality and the consequences of the birth control pill on society/couples and whoa...it opened up a heavy door into a huge arena of info and started a little revolution in my bleeding heart.  My life gained purpose that day and my spirit was set on fi-yaaa to convert others' hearts.  In hindsight, Fr. M was totally grooming me to be exactly in the place where I am today; also in hindsight, I owe him a huge THANK YOU for our healthy marriage, which I love ...and my job, which I love ...and both of my babies, which I love ...and and and AND! The list goes on and on, but the foundation of this life, which I love, all started right here in twenty-ten.  I had just started dating Brian around this time, but he wasn't a huge piece of the puzzle... ;)

...until he was a huge piece of the puzzle! I graduated from college the following spring and started my career as a labor and delivery nurse. Brian proposed later that fall [once he was confident I had a legit job and wouldn't be a money-sucking, debt-gaining, deadbeat wife] and I, of course, said yes!  Bling blingggg, check out 'dat RING!

As we mulled over all our future life plans and dreams, family and fertility was on the top of the list and I began to enlighten him with conversations re: NFP and the Church's stance on artificial contraception.  We agreed to use NFP in our marriage, and with a little coaxing from a great friend Dr. Brooke Jemelka, we found ourselves sitting in Introductory Session for the Creighton Model FertilityCare System.  [For the record, I wanted to use our own "casual" -- for lack of a better word -- form of NFP and maybe learn a formal method later on down the road if we had a few surprise pregnancies and needed something more effective for avoiding than my made-up method. ;) Because in the "growing" stages of our young family, a couple surprises would've been ok, eh?!] But anyway, we scheduled follow-up sessions with our practitioner and learned the ins and outs of the Creighton Model well so that we felt confident using it to both achieve or avoid pregnancy after marriage.

Finally, the big day arrived! Fr. M helped us seal the deal:

We said our, "I dos," and then honeymooned and enjoyed the spontaneity of newlywed life for a hot minute [and man was it hot!].  We put the Creighton Model to the test [sometimes on the daily ;)], and surprise -- it worked!

As a side note, I should mention that typically in the past my prayers to the Big Man were ones of thanksgiving ...or maybe just merely to check in and say, "Hey!" or run my plans past Him. I honestly never fully bought into the whole "God is the author of your life" theory; I have/had the bulk of my life mapped out since about age five and, for the most part, it's gone off without a hitch due to  #typeApersonality and #geterdone because #flawlessexecutionoflifeplansbemine!  I went to an awesome college because I studied hard in high school. I landed a great job because I earned a stellar GPA in college. I met a nice guy because I was a nice girl. I, I, I, I.....I did/worked for/earned all these good things that came my way; God was just sitting back and smiling at me and my happy life, because why wouldn't He?! [Ha... ha... ha...] After a year or so of marriage, we switched our intentions from avoiding to achieving .....and voila!

That didn't take too long!  Two pink lines = a babyyyyy on the way!  *party emoji* and ^^ Brian couldn't get his nose out of his new "Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!" book.  My plans seemed to unfold just as I had imagined they would [because, again, why wouldn't they?]...

...but then...this.............[<-- I won't beat a dead horse by retyping all the details, so just click on over there to get the 4-1-1.]  Our miscarriage was the first time I remember having the soul-crushing realization that I couldn't at all control this life I live... I was the pawn and He was the Chess Master, and the Chess Master didn't just sit above me with His hand on His chin waiting to hear how a measly pawn wanted the game to play out. What the whattttttttt?!

But! God and I had some words and my heart had a big conversion and all was swell again in my little world.  

Dark quickly turned to light, because three months post-miscarriage, there was this again:

...and this:

...and this:

...and then finally, this! Hello, Harper Cecilia! We were smitten.

Fr. M was there to celebrate Harper's big day, because, well, he always is. :)

Life as a family of three was bliss.  God was at the center of our family like never before, because how can you bring a living/breathing little miracle into the world without being awestruck at the magnitude of procreation and co-creation?!  WHOA. I soaked in every moment of a 12-week maternity leave with our newest addition before returning to [part time!] 12-hour nights shifts on labor and delivery. One night during my first month back, I was scrolling through Facebook on my break and a message popped up from Dr. Puthoff.  He had previously completed our hospital's OB residency program and then went on to a surgical NaProTECHNOLOGY fellowship.  In the message, he explained that he planned on coming back here to open his practice and was wondering if I may be interested in applying to be the office nurse...

...welllllll, that sounded cool, but probs wouldn't work out, eh? Part-time night shifts were pretty perfect for our small family. My mom was coming down two days a week to watch Harper while I caught some post-shift shut eye [so no daycare needed, phew!] ...and night shift paycheck with differentials would most likely be better than office pay ...and I'd have to work three 8-hour office shifts to equal my current schedule of two 12-hour floor shifts ...and lots of other things, but MAINLY I'm a stubborn ole' human who's set in her ways and maybe even hugely scared of change if we're being honest.  Although I wanted to jump on the new job offer, I sent Dr. P a sweet but skeptical reply, knowing in the bottom of my heart I would also never fully want to leave labor and delivery.  My heart was beating fast for a new bigger/better opportunity to help women and couples in a more profound way than just being their labor nurse for twelve hours, but my mind was trying so hard to shut it down. So I said I would pray about it...

...and pray pray prayyyy about it did I! Brian and I discussed over the next couple of weeks, and our discussion and prayers led to this revelation that, hey! Maybe 8-hour day shifts + no weekends + no holidays wouldn't be so bad after all?! Don't have to sleep all day and wake up still feeling like crap-o?  Harper wouldn't grow up with a zombie mom?  Day shifttttt and home in time to see my family every night for dinner? Maybe being able to learn and grow and finally share my love for NFP in a professional way? Ok... 

I was super nervous to bite the bullet but decided to give it a shot..... AKA the door was opened and God picked up my skeptical @$$ and kicked it right inside. 

Fast forward to current, annnnnnd turns out I've been living and loving the office nurse life for 2.5 years now!!! ...While of course staying PRN in labor and delivery, which is the best of both worlds!  But I mean it wholeheartedly when I say that Dr. P and the heart behind his practice are truly amazing; he uses the science of NaProTECHNOLOGY to diagnose and treat the underlying cause of a woman's gynecologic symptoms and/or a couple's infertility. Instead of just prescribing birth control to mask the symptoms or "putting a Band-Aid" on his patients' problems, he gets to the root of the real issue and corrects it. I've learned so much in the last couple of years by working alongside him and am truly blessed to be a part of this ministry, as it falls back on the Creighton Model as its foundation and goes forward perfectly in line with the Church's moral teachings. Literally feel like I'm finally "nursing" with God's hands which is an amazing vocation. Phew! Stop me right thur or I will go on and on forever because #napro #be #so #great. Every woman needs NaPro care!!!

ANYWAY, let's just sum it up by saying that I settled really nicely/happily in to this new schedule/job. Life was so great!  [Thanks for the shove, God. And for closing the door behind me so I never needed to look back. Appreciate it!] The months went by, and all the sudden little Harper Bear wasn't so little anymore. We started to talk about bebe numero dos and decided to flip our intention of avoiding back to achieving!  And with the miscarriage fairly far behind our backs now, all of my fertility/family plans should continue falling into place, since again:  #typeApersonality and #geterdone because #flawlessexecutionoflifeplansbemine! Switching gears seamlessly should ALSO be no problem, thanks to the usability of the Creighton Model:

...But it was a problem.  There was a problem!  We had lots of cycles of "trying" under our belts [pun intended, and we tried really hard if you know what I mean] and still notta. Zilch. Zeroooo. Where you be, baby?  WHY YOU DO 'DIS TO ME AGAIN, GOD?!?  Fo' real? I'm "following the Catholic rules" and using Creighton Model and we have a good marriage and are financially stable and have lots of love to give and Harper wants to be a big sister and whyyyyy you can't bless us with another baby?!  Each month became more ominous and I thought fur sureeee I'd never see a positive pregnancy test again. :(

However! Luckilyyyyy and so very conveniently, my cynical self now worked at the perfect place and had perfect access to perfect help. Duh. So I scheduled a "new patient" consult. Dr. P immediately suspected endometriosis and presented us with a comprehensive list of treatment options from conservative to aggressive. I chose aggressive.  Laparoscopic surgery it was!  My crazy nurse friends wanted to stay up to date with every detail of the big day, so Snapchats, Snapchatsss erry'where:

Optimism at its finest:

[Sort of surprisingly to me,] it turned out that Dr. P was right: stage 3 endometriosis! Holy whoa. Ain't no way a baby was ever gonna implant in that mess! He excised it alllll and I felt like a total idiot for not initially trusting his confidence.  A few hours later I busted out of recovery:

Harper stayed with Grammy and Papa for the first night so Brian could take care of his bride. It was quite the romantic child-free night; I'm sure you can only imagine! He cooked us a steak dinner [no joke!], and we enjoyed picture updates and FaceTime sessions with our little boo:

^^ Brian later told me that he was prepared for the worst, but once he plugged in an extension cord to hook up my heating pad and cell phone charger, "you were on cruise control!" ;)  Recovery was the typical not-fun "recovery" for four days or so...

...then each day after that kept getting better and better and I was back to work in just less than a week! #worthit

Life went on as normal after the post-op phase. I was again sort of skeptical of Dr. P's confidence when he said that we should have no problem achieving pregnancy. But regardless of future pregnancies, I was thrilled that my pelvis was clean and my overall heath was improved; who wants a lifetime of awful periods thanks to stage 3 endometriosis lurking around inside?! Not I.

However, two cycles after surgery and MUCH to my surprise [!!!], there was this:

...and this:

...and this:

...and then finally, this! Hello, Scarlett Clare! Smitten for the second time.

Dr. P...right again!  He so very graciously agreed to take care of us throughout pregnancy, and the delivery went off without a hitch [as you already well know from my birth story sagas]! 


And all of 'dat ^^^^^^^ is why I truly absolutely definitely believe that all things are possible when God meets NaPro! NaPro for you and you and you; everyone needs NaPro!!!!! In conclusion [the conclusion that I should've just directed you to immediately to save two hours of reading]: when God takes the reigns, it's insanely beautiful and perfect and zomg.  Just reveling in and reflecting on all these things today and grateful that I made it from point A to points B, C, D, E, all the way to Z and beyond by quiiiiite literally none of my own doing/desires!  This tangled up mess of threads turned into a beautiful tapestry... God is so good! My heart could burst!

I'm almost done, but I can't wrap it up without placing the cherry on top:

Yesterday was exactly one year from my surgery date; and today [in seven hours to be exact!], our beautiful little Creighton/NaPro miracle will be baptized into Christ...

...by Fr. M...

...with Dr. P and his amazing wife, Tory, standing by us as her Godparents!

I literally can't wait! 

Thank you, God, for this blessed life.

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit...AMEN.

...And when you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

*CLAP! CLAP!* :)))