- Add a caring, loving woman + a tiny bit of psychosis and what do you get?... -

...a MOM.

I never thought I'd be a psycho mom.......

...

...

...but I totally am.

No no, actually, I've totally definitely officially been completely ridiculous/obsessive/psychotic since I first decided I WANTED to be a mom:

But for the sake of dignity and my husband's preserved masculinity, we'll leave out all those FUN! so fun fun fun details.  

Anyway, after gestating then expelling a child from my uterus, my overall level of [previously tolerable] absurdity has become exponentially worse.

Oh ---

FYI  FYI  FYI:  If you don't have kids yet, you should probablyyyy bypass this post.  It's most definitely gonna .freak.you.out., and I don't want the responsibility of informing you how embarrassing you will become when you start to procreate.....

Ok.

Onward.

When Harper was a new new "new"born, my only hideous mom-habit was standing over her Pack 'n Play and staring at her with my iPhone flashlight in the middle of the night.  [You know, because a) I had to make sure she was still breathing, and b) I had to make sure she was still......there.  Not like she could roll out of her little bassinet or anything, but she spent 39 weeks + 3 days inside mah belly and it was a little learning curve for me to thrive and survive her sans umbilical cord!] That "sleep when the baby sleeps" was such great advice during the day, but I was too worried at night that 3am would be the perfect hour for my kid to whip out the SIDS card.  Dear darling Baby Fleming[s] #2 and beyond: I have come to realize this is a FIRST-time mom problem! You will [most likely] not be treated to that type of luxurious nighttime mom-perching!  Hindsight is 20/20, and sleep is a good, good thing...

As the days of motherhood rolled on, I started pumping and freezing a lot of milk.  All was good and well in that realm until oh em geeee --- SOME SPILLED.  Since then, I have been .s.u.p.e.r...c.a.r.e.f.u.l. when transferring the liquid gold.  And so has Brian, mostly... But currently, he owes me 63 minutes of backrubs for wasting 13 oz over the past two weeks [!!!] to which I may or may not've overreacted just a little too much... [How did that large number come about? 13 wasted oz x 5 minutes of massage per oz = 65 minutes.....and he's offered a measly 2 minute backrub since all of this occurred so! 63 manattes to go.]   Call me crazy, I don't even care.  Pumping while I'm away from my baby is hard, treacherous work that I hate so so much!  BUT:

Oh, and while we're on the topic of MILK... It is actually kind of comical that Brian and I [two full-grown add-ultz with large appetites!] share one refrigerator and freezer upstairs while Harper [4-month old, also with large appetite!] has her very own deep freeze in the basement filled to the brim.  *Insert belly-laughing emoticon here.*  Of course, we can't entertain the thought of starving our little piggy. One night when we were [of course!] out of town for the evening, a gianttttt storm rolled through... 

Bridget 

April 9 ·

Power flicked on and off a few times earlier this morning, and I heard half of Glen Carbon is still out... Let me just take a hot second to say that Mother Nature will be meeting the wrath of Harper's mother if the storm decides to cut out power again tonight while we're gone and spoil 100+ oz of milk that we have frozen!!! Nothing like crying over spilled milk!!!

 — feeling nervous.

...to which my very own MOTHER replied, "Oh stop. It's not like you can't make more."  Apparently the tedious task of nursing/pumping for two children has escaped her memory.  [You will rest easily knowing that the power did not go out that night, and we came home to a fully intact + still frozen milk supply!]

Soooo, who wants to hear about milk all day long? 

No one. 

I get it.  

Really, I do. 

On to another embarrassing mom-ism: I force Harper to take naps with me when I'm tired [seriously loving the non-mobile stage of child rearing!], and on the RARE occasion that I wake up before she does.......

My iPhone is packed with an embarrassing amount of Harper + Momma selfies, but if my phone got stolen, the robber would ALSO be not-thrilled to find a stash of actively-breastfeeding-baby pics.  I have no idea why, but half most of the times when Harper nurses I just can't refrain myself from taking a pic.  ...Because omgggg she's sooooo cute, and I can't forget this moment even though she'll be in the exact same outfit in the exact same position doing the exact same activity again in exactly 2.5 hours. #momprobs #embarrassing #seriouslywtf

While we sit in the recliner and spend HOURS a day nursing [if I'm not taking baby-on-boob pics and sending them to............no one?...]:

[Add to the list: "Does it make you mentally unstable if you take a pic of your child every time she nurses?" "How do you become the "fun parent?" "Do stretch marks heal slash go away before you get pregnant again?" "Is it normal to need to cut baby fingernails twice a week but toenails twice a month?" "What are the chances of my kid getting Rickets if I don't ritualistically force a Vit D3 drop down her throat?" "Advantages and disadvantages of sending a toddler to daycare?" "Advantages and disadvantages of sending a school-aged child to private/Catholic school?" "Advantages and disadvantages of piano playing or some sort of musical instrument playing for children?" ....and so on for hours on end, as I'm so sure you can just imagine...]

Alright, I'm not even gonna beat myself up over this one, because I know this is basically normal... 

[Reality, be my resume.]

And this is normal, too...???

Oh, then there's this: I used to "babysit" a newborn when I still lived in St. Louis.  I think her parents had a lot of moolah or something, because they hired me to come to their house for a few hours each morning and hold her [of course, she usually slept in my arms the entire time!] while her momma took a nap and shower.  What what?!? Yes, it's true.  #dreamjob!  And every day, I would walk out with a nice stash of cash for my hard-earned labor.  Shall we reiterate the hashtag?  Yes. #dreamjob!!!  One of the funniest things I remember about that adventure, though, was this one morning when the momma had her first success using that blue booger bulb.  She squirted a giant nasty green boog out on a Kleenex, and I could tell she was SO PROUD of herself.  And THEN.....she did the unspeakable...the unbelievable... She took a freakin' picture of that disgusting booger and text it to her husband!!!!!!  I didn't know if I should be shocked or disgusted or amused or wtffff just happened......... So I judged her a little bit on the inside and then went about my job of snuggling a sleeping baby like nbd.

Now, here I am: four years later, and I'm basically obsessed with picking Harper's nose and making sure there isn't one little flake of a crusty left that could possibly obstruct her breathing holes.  And if I ever get a big juicy one, of courseeeee I'm hella proud.

...And not only did I take that booger pic and text it to my husband... I wiped that booger on my knee THEN took that booger pic, text it to my husband, EDITED it on an iPhone app, e-mailed it to myself, AND am posting it on my blog. Holy sh*t.  I'm repulsive.

Oh dear Lawd, I'm totally coming to grips with how crazy I am...

This post is getting soooo out of control.  

But! 

Banana bread beer with a brown sugar + cinnamon mix on the rim is my fran.

So!

One more thing...

[The thing that inspired this post!]

Last week, Harper slept in her BIG GIRL BED for the first time!! She has been sleeping through the night [10pm to 6am!] since she was 11 weeks old. <--- Hate me all you want, I know we are so lucky. Anyway, now that she's 18 weeks, we decided it was time to kick her out of the Pack 'n Play and get our master bedroom back in order... On the first night, Brian just dumped her in the crib and went to bed himself like noooo biggie, and Harper just laid in her new crib and fell asleep like noooo biggie.  I stood over the crib for at LEAST 10 minutes and watched her sleep [regressing back to new new "new"born problems!!!] and then shed some tears and THEN turned on the baby monitor in my bedroom and watched her from my bed for at least 10 more minutes.

"Whatchu starin' at, Mom? I'm gonna be in this position til 7am, so you might as well get some shut eye, too!"

*tear tear tear*

How is my munchkin so big?  And how is she so much tougher than me already?!  So proud!!!

I know I just outlined a legit case that concludes how obviously nuts I am, BUT...I think [and tell me if I'm thinking wrong?!] that motherhood is like a little club. And once you're "in" the club, you just understand all the unwritten rules and regulations that come along with! Right?

Basically, it goes something like this: 

...Come on, give me a little vote of confidence...  I know I'm not the ONLY psycho out there?!?

- FOUR months... -

Four months, holy schnikeeees!

As much as I say I want Harper to stay little forever, she just keeps getting more and more and MORE fun! She is so much more alert and interactive as each month passes, and I love celebrating each little milestone that she achieves.  Everything now goes straight to her mouth, and she isn't picky about what she chews on: teething toys, non-teething toys, cell phones, burp cloths, pacifiers, her clothes, our hands, EVERYTHING!  If she gets a good gnaw session goin', it doesn't take long for her shirt to be soaked with drool... [Maybe time to invest in some bibs? I don't know, though, for some reason I'm just not a bib lover?]  

The 4-month well child visit was last week, and she measured 24.25 inches [50-75th percentile] and weighed 15 lb, 6.5 oz [90th percentile!].  Her pediatrician said she's perfectly proportioned, but I ain't no dummy ---> don't those percentiles basically scream that she's short and fat?!  ...Not like I think she needs to lose any weight, but maybeee she just needs to tack on a few inches to grow into her Buddha belly and thunder thighs... ;)  [Brian's mom told me that he was 12 lb, 7 oz and 25.25 inches at 4 months.  Baby's already got 3 lb on her old man!]  At the beginning of the appointment, Harper was happily nuzzled in to Brian's lap in the exam room.  And as soon as the pediatrician came in and plucked her away, she looked back [bugged eyed!] like, "WTF yo!"  The ped immediately said, "Oh, guys! I think she's starting to get some stranger anxiety... See how she looks at me with those eyes like she doesn't know who I am and she's searching the room for one of you two?  Stranger anxiety can appear anywhere from 4-9 months and is normal."  ...Ok, so "stranger anxiety" may be normal at 4 months, but I just nodded my head and decided not to tell her that [for a while now!] Harper hasn't really enjoyed being held by anyone except Brian or me.  She lovesss to snuggle her momma after she breastfeeds + she'll nuzzle into Brian for some tummy time or a nap, but all other family and friends just don't make the cut.  Cold truth.  Ouch.  Harper be like, "I'll look at ya'll from afar, but don't try touching me...!"  It's strange.  I hope she grows out of that...  

ANYWAY, other news from the appointment that no one cares about except me me me?  

--- No solid foods until 6 months.  Exclusively breastfed babies apparently don't need it yet, and it interferes with their intestines and absorption or something [made sense when she was explaining it, although if I try now I will just be talking in circles and probably making up half of the info!].

--- Normal/ok/no big deal for Harper to want to nap in her swing since she sleeps all night in her big girl crib.   Phew! 

--- Big growth spurt expected at 4 months, during which Harper may want to nurse every 1.5 hours all day every day............ [Currently trying to make a long list of activities I can do while recliner-ridden during the daylight hours, but the only thing I've thought of so far is: watch moreeee TV...].  Ped said a lot of people give up breastfeeding during this time because it gets frustrating and it feels like the baby is constantly eating and not satisfied.  But stay strong! Don't get discouraged! Try not to give up! [Cheerleading central.] Because.......exclusively breastfed babies have a less chance of heart disease, diabetes, and obesity in adulthood...PLUS they're smarter.  Sweet.  [Wondering how genetic and environmental factors are controlled in those studies, though?  Who cares I guess...I'll take those stats!] 

Two mean ole' shots, and we were out the door and in the clear 'til 6 months! 

We love you, little peanut!!! Proud every day to be yo' mama! 

- Funs and Faves! -

I'm not sure how [only FOUR months in!] I've fallen sooo miserably behind in the competition, but even a creepy window-peeping stranger could glance into this house and definitively conclude that Brian has already...easily...won the title of "FUN PARENT."  I've maybe definitely subconscioulsy tried to un-acknowledge that little piece of not-fun truth for several weeks now, but there will be no more denying from here on out.  Truth hurts. Tonight at dinner, Harper could not remove her eyes from Brian.  Her gaze was fixed, and her head followed his every minuscule move.  She coos and babbles constantly until he throws her a little bone of attention; and when he finally does, she blushes and kicks and drools all while babbling even louder.  Her smile for her dad is ginormous.  Allllll these hours logged with Mom, but I guess all she really needs me for is her beloved milk tap, anyway. ;)  The stereotypical "Daddy's girl" thing is fo' real... 

...and the onesie says it all! This girl has a heart of pure gold silver for her dad!!!

...And if you couldn't tell, the feeling is mutual.

Sooooo while we're on the topic of all things fun and favorite, let me just archive *TEN* of our current funs and favorites!  We currently love: 

BOOKS.  [All family and friends: thanks for stocking Harper's bookshelf! We love opening a new book and reading your notes signed on the pages!] A whole separate post dedicated just to the bookworm! 

THIS DOLL.  [Special thanks to Andy, Angie, Miles, and Lily!]  Never thought an infant would be so attached to a toy.  Thought wrong.  Not sure if it's the super soft fleecy outer-part that she likes OR the silky underside, but she doesn't let this doll get very far out of sight/reach these days.  Poor dolly's right pigtail is currently crusted over with dried drool; and when Harper gets teeth, I imagine those pigtails will just be dangling by a thread...

BATH TIME.  And hair washing.  [I love kickin' back in my awesome jacuzzi, Meghan! Thank you!]

THIS SWING.  [Thanks to Grandma, Rosemary, Katie, Theresa, Joanie, Jenny, and Margy! I think of ALL of you and smile every day!!!...because...] This is our numero uno favorito baby item by FAR far far.  Harper has loved this contraption since day ONE, and we would be lost in helpless-first-time-parenting-world without it.  I juuuuust looked up the weight limit yesterday [which is 25 lbs! Phew! Another two months at least!], because I am already nail-biting in anxiety of the day we have to ween from it.  It's kiiiiind of turning into a love hate relationship at this point, though, because: with it = 3-hour afternoon nap, no problemo! And without it = continual sleep fighting frustration, meltdowns to the max, and noooo nap.  Shoot me in the foot when we tip the scale at 25 lbs.......

BEING OUTSIDE.  This girl can't really be my daughter, considering I'd rather be inside in A/C sans humidity and wildlife and ...bugs...  BUT!  A short session of basking in the sun or a little stroller ride through the subdivision shockingly hasn't killed me. Yet.  Top left photo: coming home from work at 8am and seeing this little face [actually, both of these faces!] on the porch is my favorite greeting to date! *googly eyes*

LITTLE COUSIN KATE.  Harper's best buddy!  We usually see Kate and her parents [Brian's cousin + wife] about once a week, and the four of us have loved watching these two girls grow up together! They were born a month apart, and I am so excited for them to go through school hand-in-hand and always have each others' backs. Nothing like an [unofficial] twin sister, huh? :)

THE BACHELORETTE.  Another Monday night has come and gone, and we can't turn our heads... #willyouacceptthisrose  ...I know I'm not the only one who despises Kaitlyn and her zilch-o morals! But I also can't throw the towel in on the entire Bachelor/ette franchise... So what do you other avid viewers think?! Shawn or Nick?!?!? I am torn 51/49, barely favoring Shawn obvi.  [NO SPOILERS!]

HAND-ME-DOWNS.  [THANK YOU, Kindra!] Oh, happy day.   A little girl can never have too many clothes, right?!  Since we didn't find out gender during the pregnancy, we came home from the hospital to only a handful of unisex onesies and a couple sleep sacks!  I immediately wanted to buy Harper so many things but was shocked at how fast she would outgrow each size! Insanity.  Little booger grows like a weed! Giving her a cute wardrobe while keeping the bank account on the [+] side was a tricky balance......... ;)  Luckily, a sweet girl I work with kept us in mind as she was getting rid of all her little girl's clothes! Three big boxes to sort through + a couple loads of laundry later, and Harper has her closet stocked through 9mos for a suuuuper small amount of dolla dolla bills! Hashtag: stoked!  Nothing like a good stash of hand-me-downs!  Harper is loving all her "new" clothes!!!

FAMILY NAPS........but what's new?  "Sleep when the baby sleeps" miiiight be the best bit of advice anyone ever gave us!!! 

And lastly, but absolutely not leasty...

THIS PLAYMAT.  [Thank you thank youuuu, Anna and Becca!] God bless Skip Hop and their awesome products [we only have a few, but have been nothing short of THRILLED!].  When we first busted this out of the box a couple months ago, we ooh-ed and ahh-ed at the way our little nugget laid so contently and noticed all the dangling animals... Then a few weeks later we couldn't get the video camera out quick enough to capture her [probably accidentally] swinging her arms and swatting at the toys... And NOW, the mat provides hours of daily entertainment as she holds an animal in each hand and a third animal between both feet... I love watching her tiny hands grasping and her fine motor skills developing on this play gym!  [This might be the last day that poor blue elephant has ears or a tail........ Girl ain't gentle!]

More funs and faves coming another day! But you'll have to excuse me for tonight; it's time to go hang out with my little family of three and creep/crawl back into the competition for fun parent...

*humph*

- Bookworm to the MAX -

This little worm lovessss some books!  Still not sure where she gets it from; I haven't forced my nose in a book since nursing school [circa 2011], and Brian...well...let's just say he's mostly an iPhone/TV/MacBook type of guy... ;)  But sometimes the apple falls normally THEN gets kicked far far away from the tree[s], so I suppose dat be da case at our orchard.

[Almost] 4 months old, and she can't turn her head...

"She looks at those books like she can read!" ...Well, maybe she can, Daddy!  #babygenius

"There are many little ways to enlarge your child's world.  Love of books is the best of all." ~Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis 

Read on, Baby Bear!  The world is waiting for you!!  :-*

- 150 years of family fun... -

Throwback to a few weekends ago whennnn we celebrated Brian's annual family reunion AND his hometown's 150th [sesquicentennial!] homecoming par-tayyy!  Say that five times fast......betcha can't.

The only pics I have from the weekend are from the parade:

Oh, and then there's this one: 

...which I had to sit in for, because Brian was off gallivanting somewhere around the carnival. [Notice I am the only non-Croatian on the couch...............HOLY GHOST...yipes!  But not meant in the Trinitarian sense, obvi.]  

2015 = the year of the bay-bay! This family is growing by leaps and bounds!!!

Happy 150th, Mt. Olive! 

- THREE months... -

We're still in the third month...

...but barely...

...so I better sneak this post in while it's still legit!

Check out our big 3-monther!!! 

Dear Harper:

You are extremelyyyy smiley this month! I mean...everything is just damn hilarious and you smile 23.5/7... <---The only 30 minutes a week you're missing in that equation is when your crazy mom has the camera out and is actually trying to make you smile.  Funny how that works, isn't it?!  Oh, there we go...

You earned the nickname of "Bear" somewhere during your second month, but it has really started to stick this month! [Daddy and I call you Baby Bear because, well, sometimes you're just a little bear!!! It's ok though. LOVE YOU.] ...I hope you grow up knowing what your real name is, because your dad hasn't uttered the name "Harper" for weeks now. Oops!  Bath time is a real hit at this house; you splish and splash and constantly coo + babble while in the tub.  You LOVE [like head over heels loveee] getting your hair washed in the sink. It's really freakin' cute the way your eyes go into a soothed daze and your tongue repetitively licks your lips [I think you kind of even salivate a little???].  I don't blame you though; who doesn't go wild over a little head massage under warm water?!

And alsoooo this month, you started attending Daddy Daycare because yo' mama finally had to go back to work...

...saw your first parade...

...and helped your dad celebrate his very first Father's Day in style!!!

No growth measurements to report, because you didn't have to see the pediatrician this month!  Next well-child visit scheduled at 4 mos.........

You are so fun! We love you more and more every day! Happy 3 months, big girl! :) 

- I can't even make a comprehensive title because the rambling is so random... -

Today is the kind of day that sends the average person's mood swirling down the drain into a miniature state of depress-seeeon.  But I thrive on days like today.  Dark storm clouds + the soothing sound of heavy rainfall = my bliss.  The house stayed mega dark this morning, and Harper and I slept in until an embarrassingly late hour.  No one was out and about the subdivision knocking on our door a) trying to sell expired Avon junk or b) collecting $$$ for orphanages in Antarctica or c) telling us our grass needs TruGreen [for real? It was the best looking grass in the neighborhood last time I checked...] or d) teaching us how to accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.  [Side note:  I maybe sometimes exaggerate a little bit, but no, not right now. Our subdivision really is AWFUL about these things.  I have been waiting for two full years now to install some signage on the front door that says: 

ABSOLUTELY NO SOLICITING. BABY SLEEPING. RING OUR DOORBELL AND I WILL SLIT YOUR WRISTS AND ALSO VIOLENTLY AMPUTATE THE FINGER YOU USED TO PUSH THAT BUTTON. ALSO, BEWARE OF DOG [[THAT WE DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE]]. LEAVE PACKAGE AND RUN; I DONT WANT TO DETACH BABY FROM BOOB TO SIGN YOUR DAMN DELIVERY SLIP. VIOLATORS OF THIS DOORSTEP WILL BE PROSECUTED AND CASTRATED. OH, AND FINALLY: KEEP THE CHANGE, YOU FILTHY ANIMAL.

^^ Or something to that effect, at least, because I literally cannot STAND the AT&T woman trying to convince me at 8:47am why her TV package is better than the one I already have OR the roofing replacement man reporting during my nap time that, after his un-requested assessment of our roof, one of the shingles miiiight be a candidate for free replacement.  Go away right now and eat your boogers as you go.  End rant.]

Omg, where was I going with that side note?! Oh yeah. I was sayingggg that I legitimately have the "sleeping baby" excuse now, so I think it's a good time to post summa 'dat signage.  Because on rainy days like today [and with no solicitors!!!], the PJs are cozy and the snuggles are so sweet and I we really really enjoy the peace.  No episodes of weather depression at this house; we be lazy little ladies and there ain't no shame in the game.  

Besidessss the session of morning bliss: the flowers got a free watering, the car got a free washing, and........Baby Bear got her first experience of being caught in the rain!

Why 'da bay-bee in 'da rain? 

Because.

I work again the next two nights, and I normally try to cook several meals the day before I work [or at LEAST have the fridge fully stocked with groceries] so the three of us have enough food for dinners + leftovers for lunches.  

Why does that matter?  

Well, because.

Despite enjoying our peaceful, dark, solicitor-free home, we had to go grocery shopping today...  And by the time we filled the cart and checked out, another round of Hurricane Bill was on the horizon.  Hey-ooo, torrential downpour! Along with 20 other customers and their kids, we waited in the little cart room at Schnucks for 10 minutes.  Then finally, we decided to make a dash for the car.  Harper was all for making the dash, but then she heard a little thunder boom and: 

"This sopping wet situation just rained on my pretty parade, momma!"  But 3.5 secs after pulling out of the parking lot, she was snoozin' in the back seat, SOOO... Enn-bee-dee, I guess.

So now we're home and clothed in fresh, dry garments. Little Bear quickly retreated back to nap land [girl loves her sleep!], which I supposeeee gives me some time to continue the random rambling and recap our weekend! 

Thursday night, I put the finishing touches on Harper's nursery!  Most of it has been done for months now, but I finally made the last couple canvases and nailed them up to polish off the collage.  I love this room and these colors!!! And if you thought you'd get off the hook easily with one measly 'ole picture...............muahahah nope. Never. Many many more pics PLUS a "before and after"post coming soon eventually! 

Brian had the day off work Friday [reason being: "official holiday," even though the OFFICIAL holiday was on Saturday bahah].  We celebrated being Americans at his parents' annual 4th of July party..........

Harper was not allowed to enjoy the [amazing!!! Good job, Fleming brothers!] firework show, because her Mom would like her ears/hearing to be intact and functioning beyond age 4 months...  #protectthoseears #godonlygaveyoutwo #!!!   Luckily, she was one tired little fiya-cracker and napped in the house during the show!  [Pic on the right: we watched some more fireworks on Saturday night, and again Harper wasn't allowed outside... We viewed through the car window to escape mosquitos +  noise.  Oh, and she's nakey because holyyyyy blowout. After witnessing the event, my bro said we should probably just throw that outfit away because no way it's ever coming clean...........] 

Annnnd some family play time!

Harper hearts both of her grandpas!!!

Sunday morning was Murphy's baptism! [...Conveniently, he was scheduled to be dunked at the same time of Harper's ritualistic morning nap, SO! Fun fun for all involved, as I'm so sure you can onlyyyy imagine.]

Such a good boy! Welcome to God's family, Murphy Udell!  

^^ Found these two in the church's cry room after the baptism.  Zonked, dude!

Welp..............

The storm blew over and the husband's home and the coffee cup is drained and the baby's waking up and the pizza delivery man just rang the doorbell, soooo basically all my hopes and dreams of extending the morning's bliss/quiet/peace into this evening are now shattered.   

*sigh*

Until the next rainy day..........................exxes and ohhs.