Ohhhhh where to begin, where to begin?!
[Might want to grab a little lotta latte and/or some toothpicks to prop your eyelids open, because this post is only penned for those with the highest of high attention spans...]
BIRTH STORY TIMEEE.
Ecstatic first time mom + passionate labor and delivery nurse = absolutely no one will care to digest all the details of this post except me and maybe my mom. Oh, and possibly my grandma.
But it's my blog and my rules so I'm writing it anyway. :D
I guess the "birth story" actually begins when the contractions began, no?
Soooo...30 weeks.
Just kidding.
I mean for real, 30 weeks. But we're not actually starting there.
We'll start on......
Wednesday, March 11 @ 6:56pm -- *Swipe!* I made it to work and clocked in and was alllll geared up to help make some miracles happen. Contractions had been coming irregularly for a while [like days, maybe even weeks?], but that day they were consistently coming every 5 minutes and some of them were starting to hurt. Pain is gain! I was diggin' it. Before I left for work, I packed my bag and tossed it in the trunk; I warned Brian I may be calling him to meet me at the hospital if the baby decided he/she wanted to come. I contracted allllll night before realizing I was fairly foolish to get my hopes up, because eventually 7:00am rolled around and I was still standing. SO...no real labor. But side note: Can I just say how miserable it was to take care of laboring patients who were less gestation than me?! Slap me in the face. Stab me in the heart. Come on, little stubborn @$$ baby. I got progressively more uncomfortable as the night droned on, but I really thought it would be a good idea to go home and "sleep" and maybe wake up in labor? ...
Thursday, March 12 @ 11:00am -- I slept! ...I slept two-ish solid hours before I woke up soaked in sweat and smothered in a set of sopping wet clothes and sheets. Why soooo sweaty?! Oh, maybe because my contractions are every 3 minutes now?! YAY. I texted my OB pretending that she would be halfway as excited as I was; she told me to take a hot shower and then see what happened [only after making sure the soaked bed was indeed from sweat and not from my water breaking!]. The shower slowed the contractions down a little, but eventually they picked back up and just kept coming...
...and coming...
...and coming.
And I started shaking uncontrollably. Brian be like, "WTF is wrong wit-chu?"
Eventually, I had enough of the no-fun "laboring at home" game and decided it was time to go to the hospital. [Because you know, at home there are no birthing balls, no friends to hang out with, and no epidurals juuuust down the hallway. Also, I was getting more anxious by the minute watching Brian pace back and forth over the same few floorboards..... Poor guy was just terrified that he would have to pull off the interstate to deliver the baby in the car! ;) ]
6:30pm -- Admitted! It's officially official: this bebe is being evicted. We waddled upstairs to the labor and delivery floor [stopping only once for a whopper contraction] to meet our home for the next 20-ish hours. Room 6207. The door was adorned with a beautiful wreath [so creative, Nurse Nancy!] and the inside was decorated from ceiling to floor and corner to corner with adorable decorations [mucho thanks to Jess and Anna and I'm not sure who all else?!]!!
"Welcome, Baby Fleming!"
...Never hurting for acknowledgement or attention when it comes to my labor and delivery family!
You, child of unknown gender, are already sooo so loved. :)
6:34pm -- Our very last picture together as "family" of two..... Ohhh, this is getting real-er than real. Yipes!!!
6:35pm -- Changing into that [hideous] gown... Hopping Jumping Log-rolling into the bed... Getting hooked up to fetal monitors... **BEING THE PATIENT**... All of these things were stranger and sweeter and more surreal than I ever imagined they would be. Being on the other side of the bed was an interesting new perspective into the job I do every day, but I can't say I wasn't soaking up and loving every second of the process.
^^ Side note to pictures above and below: When I was hired at Mercy four years ago, I made two first + forever friends: 1) my preceptor Alex who spent 16 weeks showing me the ropes of maternity nursing and teaching me baaaaasically everything I preach and practice to this day, and 2) a sweet girl Anna who instantly befriended the "new timid little nurse" and helped crack my shy shell. I introduce these two friends because these are the lucky [or maybe unlucky] nurses who admitted us and got us all settled in, and I couldn't have been more thrilled to see their faces in these first few moments! Also, let it be known that [only out of the kindness of their hearts,] Anna came in early and Alex stayed late to take care of us... Those damn patients who show up right at shift change! ;)
6:45pm -- IVs and vital signs all around!
By now, the IV was started + the vital signs were charted + the contractions be NOT fun to just sit around and revel in. My cervix was 4 centimeters dilated on admission and I definitely didn't want to just hang out and continue putzing along [or God forbid hang out and stall out], so we decided to immediately get the show on the road with a little AROM action. [AROM = artificial rupture of membranes = snaggin' the bag = "breaking the water."] So......yeah...
7:15pm -- AROM! Chief OB resident Jill came at our beckoning call and got the job done right away. I have no idea why I'm so happy about this.....
...Now we're deffffinitely committed... Snapchats to celebrate! And ow, this sh*t kinda hurts...
...but not bad enough to stay in bed! After a tiny [illegal] snack ^^, we walked the hallways up and down...
...and up and down...
...and up and down...
...until Brian was exhausted. ;) ;)
9:20pm -- My contractions were still regular, but I know a labor face when I see a labor face and my half-grimace wasn't up to par to qualify as a FULL-blown labor face. My doctor and I decided it would be a great time to try "a sniff" of Pitocin. .....Surelyyy that could bring on a full-blown labor face. Nurse Anna was not even a tiny bit scared to crank that drip up... Hello, pain!
PS -- Whaddup with all these chalkboards? I brought them to highlight a FEW [key word: few] big events during labor/delivery. But together, Anna + I = BFF out-of-control-ness; I think we got a wee bit carried away. Want to document every.single.little.minute.happening during your entireeee labor??? Yeah sure, why the hell not?
10:00pm -- Hello strong contractions EVERY 2 MINUTES. [And hello, beauuuutiful baby tracing, too!] AROM + Pitocin ain't no joke. But I'm an impatient thumb-twiddler and a glutton for pain, so of course I like it. :)
10:20pm -- So many friends excited to meet Baby F! I was actually really glad people were stopping in to visit with us, because it halfway took my mind off the contractions that were steadily increasing in frequency AND intensity by the second. And as the pictures illustrate, labor was alllllll fun and games...
...until it was no fun and no games.
Friday, March 13 @ 12:10am -- Anna decides to recheck the female parts annnnnd: 6 centimeters dilated. Hooray for progress!! And double hooray for a big fat epidural to the rescue! Chalkboard says, "Epidural. So there is a God!" because...obvi.
12:29am -- Ahhhh, did I mention that epidurals are heavenly?!? I will never again encourage a patient to go au naturale! ...Ok, I will if they have their heart set on it because I'm a good nurse, but in my head I'll be thinking how nutso that momma-to-be is to deny this terrific-ness. It's bliss to the max. Oh em gee, just all-around greatness. [Am I still even contracting?! Oh yeppp, every 2 minutes!] Thank you, Dr. Evers!!! Literally so comfy now I could SLEEP!
^^ Oh, and that beauty up thurrr on the left is my good frennie Lauren who assisted the anesthesiologist with the epidural placement! I guess I'll just spill the beans now and add that she [and Anna, too!] stayed SEVERAL hours past the end of their shifts to be at our delivery! Hugs and kisses xoxooo, we love you, Laurie!
2:00am -- ...Except I could never sleep. Ever. Not even a wink ALL NIGHT. I was heavily depressed about this small large fact and remember replaying in my head over and over how I hadn't slept for DAYS [because I worked Wednesday night and labored all day Thursday day/night and ZOMGGG NOW IT'S FRIDAY]. And also right then was my very last chance to sleep for WEEKS.............yet I couldn't even keep my eyes closed. How terrible.
^^ Ok, a lottttttttttttt lot lot lot of things happened between this photo and the next. A lot.
First of all, my blood pressures were out of control.
All during pregnancy: 110s/70s
All during labor: 140s/90-100s
What what? Oh no.
THEN, the [still unknown gender] baby's heart rate baseline started slowly rising...and rising...and rising. And as foreshadowed by bebe, my temperature started slowly rising...and rising...and rising.
Baby's heart rate: 135 baseline ---> 175 baseline
My temperature: 98.2* ---> 101.4* [That gives a whole new meaning to "hot momma," ya know?]
And finally to top it all off, every.single.flipping.time Anna checked me, I was stilllllll 7 centimeters.
7 centimeters.
7 centimeters again.
My cervix was stuck at 7 centimeters, my blood pressures could cause a fat old man to stroke out, my temperature was through the roof, my baby's heart rate looks like crap... We manipulated my half-numb body into about a hundred different positions to get that baby's head applied to the cervix differently and help me dilate past 7 centimeters. Finally, chief resident Jill came back in to "evaluate the situation then update my doctor" [...and I know damn well what those words mean!]. She thought the baby's head was turned a little sideways in there, which is bad news bears.
Mother eff-er.
^^ Seriously. This combo of events is the worst.
#nursecurse
Nurse curse to the maxxx. Just cut me already!
4:22am -- I'm rocking back and forth on my hands and knees with Brian dutifully rubbing my back, and my hopes and dreams for a easy-peasy labor ending in a victorious vaginal delivery were circling the drain of death. I remember rocking in that bed wondering if I should VBAC with the next baby or just sign up for a repeat C-section...ha. Nothing like giving up and throwing in the towel on yourself, no?! Jill came back in and reported that we would "give it 30 more minutes" to see if the baby's heart rate could look better [but if not, I was totes gettin' the zipper]. I got a gram of Tylenol and two different antibiotics through my IV to help break the high fever [which would in turn "un-heat" the babe and help lower his/her heart rate]. I alsoooo got C-section bloodwork drawn and sent to the lab "just to have it ready......"
5:00am -- The temperature was down to 100.8 and the baby's heart rate was down to 165! We could sit back and watch...for 30 more minutes.
30 more minutes... 30 more minutes... I kept improving one piece of the disastrous puzzle in each 30 minute interval, so we continued to watch and wait.
7:00am -- I'm a DSP. And still 7 centimeters. Damn the luck!!! [What the H-E-double hockey sticks is that? Ha. It's a loving little abbreviation we night-shifters use around 6:50am that means "Day Shift Problem." You know, when something goes unfinished or we've been dealing with a train wreck all night and can't wait to "pass her off" to the next shift of nurses....... Yep, a DSP...that's me!] Bee tee dubs, how did five hours pass without any photos?! Oh, I know... Because a drugged up, sleep-deprived, bedridden hot mess with a hideously high fever isn't fun to take snapshots of. Duh.
8:30am-ish -- My epidural wears off, and I turn into a hot hot even hotter mess and lose my sh*t juuuust a little. [I'm so sorry, Lori! I would never want to take care of me! Ever!] <--- Just kidding, I wasn't that awful. But there was definitely an abundance of four-letter profanity flying out of my mouth. A little loose-lipped...oops! The anesthesiologist spent a whole half hour getting the pain under control again, then...
9:00am -- My OB came in to check on me [and mostly to check on my cervix, hah], and what what?!? 9.5 CENTIMETERS!!! Just a tiiiiny little lip of cervix left! My friends were just as excited as Brian and I were! [By the way, all these friends + Anna were left over from night shift because they didn't want to miss the delivery! Best. Friends. Ever. Although I'm pretty sure they stayed late because they thought we'd be rolling to the OR soon after shift change for my C-section, but nope! No abdominal birth in the cards for this momma!]
9:30am -- 10 centimeters! Complete!!!!!!! Time to push it, push it rullll good! [Brian's absolutely thinking, "Thank the sweet Lord, that was the longest/worst/craziest night of mah lyfeee."
9:40am -- Pushing commences with my crazy cheerleaders!
[Not surprisingly,] these two came down around 8am and waited in the waiting room with bated breath. Brian and I just wanted it to be the two of us in the room for delivery [well, plus a handful of our favorite nurses!], but the grandparents-to-be stayed tuned in to all the latest updates thanks to Nurse Anna!
9:50am -- Mark that time down in the record books... Yes it is happening; can you believe it?!?!? The head honcho/woman in charge/best OB evaaa has arrived at the bedside for delivery! TIME FOR A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
.....ANNNND time to pen a PART II, because this post is getting entirely too long and right.about.now seems like a great place to break.
Stay tuned! ;)
*****
PART II has arrived!!
*****
