So hereeeeee's a not-organized, poorly planned post..... But it makes sense in my mind, so try to hang with me 'til the end and I think I juuust might be able to tie the strings of all these mismatched thoughts into a big, beautiful bow. Just mebbe.
First! I swear there is some kind of little switch in Harper's brain that flicks on the SECOND I pull my camera out of the bag. It literally started when she was one month old and I was attempting her first chalkboard photo. I don't know how to explain it, other than that she definitely knows that all I want is five minutes [or less] of cooperation so I can capture ONE good photo to put on a birthday invitation or Christmas card or whatever. But no! Not a chance of compliance ever.
Next! Rewind back to Thanksgiving Day 2018: everyone was in a great mood, and I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to quickly throw a blanket down outside and snap our Christmas card photo. "No sweat," she said! "This will be easy," she said!
...But we got outside, and:
...followed by more stone faces, pestering Scarlett via a grass blade in her ear, and a grand finale of body-slamming Scarlett and making her cry.
I scrapped the sister photo op and handed over the camera to my dad to attempt a family photo, but that didn't go much better:
We finally got one that we could use for the Christmas card:
...but when it was all said and done [and actually during the entire process, too], I WAS SO MAD!!! Soooooo fuming, mother-effing mad. I mean, WHAT IN THE ACTUAL EFF WORD?!? Everyone else's good moods had evaporated, too. The thought crossed my mind a few times to throw in the towel and not send out a Christmas card at all, but thattttt really wasn't an option at all. It was horrible.
I got over myself a couple days later and went ahead and ordered the Christmas cards. They showed up on the porch a few days later, and I stuffed the envelopes and mailed them out. We got so many compliments on them! But every time *I* see that photo ^^ and/or the actual Christmas card, it brings back terrible memories.....
Then! Some of you know that I have a 40-60 minute drive to and from work; some of you also know that I get mild traffic anxiety -- or at a minimum, very antsy behind the wheel. All of this is because I despise the thought of wasting ~6 hours every week. This "wasted time" is time that I could be spending with my babies and/or cooking dinner and/or hanging out with a friend and/or cleaning the house and/or mayyyyybe even doing something alone that I want to do for myself! Part of my 2019 resolution was to "diffuse the drive" -- whether it be listening to motivational podcasts, talking on the phone to someone I love, or even just taking my time in the car and turning it into prayer time. Whatever it is that day, it would always be time well spent instead of "time wasted."
So anyway! I was listening to this podcast on the way home from work last Thursday, and the host is a wife and busy mom of four kids. She was talking about how chaotic her life is [or at least how chaotic it seems, in certain moments], and she is very honest about how haphazard life with littles can be. She said that she often times scrolls through social media and then leaves Facebook feeling worthless and hollow because her life doesn't stack up to others' lives. Oh, there's a mom over there with four kids, too...but she's posting pics on Instagram of her coffee cup with a lily in the background; meanwhile, my kids ran in the kitchen and spilled my coffee and knocked over the lily and shattered the vase. Or how about that woman who always has a clean house, not a dirty dish or toy out of place in sight?! She continued talking about how seeing all these posts about others' "perfect lives" can really play with her moods and emotions and change how she feels about herself as a wife and mother. She went on to discuss how social media is so toxic, and this is because it is not real life!
And that's when it all came full circle for me... I immediately thought back to the Christmas card event; I thought back to how badly I wanted us to look "picture perfect" when actually, in real life, we are vulnerable and messy and NOT PERFECT AT ALL! When I'm old and wrinkly and my memory fails me, I want to be able to look back at our stack of old birthday invitations and Christmas cards -- and even this blog -- and remember the real moments. Because I already know that, even though it's chaotic and crazy now, these are the very best moments; these real, unstaged moments are the ones I'll treasure forever.
So peace out, social media. I'm sick of being pretty for you. The podcast host hit the nail on the head: YOU ARE NOT REAL LIFE, and you and your portrayal of perfection will never again have a leg to stand on in this house! Under this roof, we are raw and honest about life as we live it. <-- Should I say it again for the people in back?! Yes!
From now on, we write our story as we see it, ugly Christmas card pics
and all.
And y'all, come see my messy house and [piles of] dirty
laundry!
...I'll brew you a cup of coffee when you get here. :)
